Making people like you

Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck pointed out a paradox recently. It is:

The more you try to make people like you the less they probably will.

He contends that, even more important than what you say is why you say it. If you are incredibly agreeable in an attempt to ingratiate yourself, people are less likely to trust and like you.

"Hello! How are you! Good to see you! Have a seat. Have two seats!"

"What are you doing for the rest of the day? What are you doing on the weekend? What do you think about the weather?" Etc., etc.

That sort of forced friendship becomes very old, very fast. Manson contends that relationships need a little friction in them for the other person to trust you fully. He says that:

Friction = Realness = Authenticity.

One phoney and damaging way many dentists attempt to befriend their patients is by watering down treatment recommendations. Instead of telling the patient what they need based on your examination and diagnosis they tell them what they think the patient wants to hear. I've seen dozens of dentists all over Australia do this.

My suggestions are these.

Firstly, stop trying to make every patient your new bestie. Be alert, present, respectful and attentive and talk 90%+ of the time about dentistry. That is why they came to see you.

Secondly, tell patients the truth, not just what you think they want to hear. In my seminar I ask dentists if they want the truth or BS from their medical practitioner. I've never had even one dentist say they want BS. Yet, the same dentists will under-diagnose patients because they are afraid of not being liked.

Bottom line is that if you stop trying so hard to be liked, people will like you much more.